i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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