it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Someone shattered a urinal.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
