Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
