The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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