It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
