Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
