Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm both gender and math confused
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
