I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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