did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
