All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my being single is dangerous.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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