I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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