my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
