Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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