i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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