I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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