I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
