Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
