I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
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