Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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