I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
