Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
