I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My vagina just recognized that song.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
