I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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