i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
