Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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