how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
