That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
