my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
