mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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