i'm signing you up for texting rehab
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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