i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
