who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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