I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm too high and old for this...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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