is your mom at the bar?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
