when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
