I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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