You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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