i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
