Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
