I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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