I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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