My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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