Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize