hotel room ftw
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
