now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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