Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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