Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
