What did we do last night that was yellow?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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