Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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