I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
