Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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