Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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