can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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