i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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