I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
