I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
