2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
